Today: I feel like a gloomy goose
I looked in the mirror. Eyes swollen beyond recognition. Nose filled with snot and eyes encrusted with dried salty water version of heartbreak. Yeah...tears. Whatever.
I'm not being gloomy.
No, today I feel pathetically inadequate. Defeated.
For the first time in t w o years I cried in self pity and self loathing. The stitches I worked so hard to fucking suture up and squish all the broken pieces inside seared right open. I cried out loud. The louder I cried, the harder I kept crying. That's what you call wallowing in self pity, and I was doing a pretty damn good job of it. If there was a prize for pity parties, I of course would have won the blue ribbon. You know you're doing a good job when you're so exhausted from crying that you lie like the dead and welcome your dog to lick your salty face and snot off. Since its easier than constantly wiping it it off yourself. Or maybe I could win the blue ribbon for laziness?? Either way! I win at fail!
I felt my arms wrapping themselves around me. I think i'm hoping it will keep me from unraveling.
Oh stupid girl.
I looked in the mirror and I saw this version of me I hoped i'd never see again. Fragile, unsure and being everything I swore i wouldn't be.
Its ok though. Just as quickly as ghost of my version of 808 and heartbreak appeared, she disappeared. I like me. I'm not a great human being, but i'm a decent one. I'm not great enough to save the world, nor do I have super powers to wield at my fingertips...but I'm trying. And that's still worth something. With the little I have to offer, i'm still gonna try really hard. Just because its not something amazing, it doesn't mean its gotta be nothing. and I like that about me. I like that i'm trying, and that i'll always keep trying and nobody can take that from me.
So let me throw a few fuck yous and wish u good luck trying to smash me into oblivion.
Beat on the brat with a baseball bat.
I dare you!
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