I'm the rule not the exception.
And I don't want it any other way. I don't think I'm good, any other way.
The greatest gift I've given to myself is solitude and space. Space to breath, space to do as I please. Space to curl up in a ball and cry if I feel like. Space to hide from the world. Space to dance like I want to. I like the freedom to be me.
Sometimes, I think if it wasn't for Ness I'd pack my bags and be a wanderer. I'd miss home like mad, but there is something liberating about having no obligations to anyone or to anything. or any idea, or any institution of an idea. Freedom to roam, and go and stay as I please.
Its true. I sometimes entertain myself with the idea of companionship. After all, I am human. When I'm fifty and all my friends are married with children will I be lonely? When my friends hurriedly ask for the check because they have to go home to have supper with their family, will I feel the longing for someone to come home to? Will I be envious of that life? When I wake up in the middle of the night from a bad dream, will I wish I had someone next to me to tell me "Its okay dear. It was just a bad dream. Go back to sleep"
Will I someday want that same someone to tell me on my birthday how glad they are that I was born?
Someone to garden with me, to remind me to take my vitamins, and to listen to old records and watch movies with? To take about endless things, from politics to astronomy... and crooked science and faulty logic. From the ugly sweater to celebrity gossip. And have Chinese take out and skip the dishes every Saturday night.
I do wonder these things from time to time but the conclusion is always so obvious. Its bits and clips of a huge package. Those possible perks aren't worth ... the grueling tango between two strangers. Its not me. No matter how much I wonder ... I always come to the same conclusion.
I'm the rule not the exception. And I'm okay with that.
I like that I'm okay with that. :)
There is this song that I think i'm in love with. "Little Lou, Ugly Jack, Prophet John"- Belle & Sebastian w/ Norah Jones
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