I feel like the walls are closing in.
The older I get, the more things become transparent.
or perhaps it is me that has become translucent?
I take a look.
nothing remarkable here. disappointing.
I am selfish.
Human nature made me so.
And yet,
I feel so guilty for my natural inclinations
I wish I were
stronger,
better,
more in control.
I tire of this broken vessel of a thing I call my body.
Sometimes it angers me.
Sometimes.
but most times it just gets me down.
I feel alone.
I feel detached.
I will never run like the wind bullseye.
shit. fuck. enter polluted words here.
Endless hours spent contemplating
sorting out the mechaniacs of the composition of decomposition
bones and more bones.
My slow disinigration was comforting
this is not. is that selfish?
sorry. already stated that I was.
I tightly wound my wound with invisible strings
like how spiders wind with their silk.
like those chinese feet bound by their self worth
I keep spinning to hold it together.
its bound so tight, it hurts now.
it bleeds, sanguine.
but its okay. my heart is nearly all translucent.
I won't dirty up your carpet
it drips clear.
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